*made with taaniroyal :) *
Ananya found herself humming a soft tune, as she rummaged through her voluminous handbag, standing on Kabir’s porch. After a struggle of a few minutes, she finally managed to find the spare keys to his house that she always had with her, turned the key in the lock and walked in.
“Hi!” came Kabir’s voice from inside, taking Ananya by surprise, for she had not expected him to be home so early. Kabir smiled, as he walked up to her and planted a light kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes for a second and then smiled back at him. As she set about making a cup of coffee for the two of them, Kabir leaned against the marble counter and asked about her day.
“It was pretty tiring. I do feel that Mehra is lying. He is probably being blackmailed into keeping his mouth shut. Anyway, woh sab chodo, tum batao, how come you’re home so early today?” Ananya sipped her coffee, as Kabir shrugged his shoulders.
“I didn’t have much work today. Just preparing for an interview, scheduling a few events, and investigating a certain minister’s assets, ” Kabir replied casually, and gave an appreciative nod as he took a sip from his cup, and let the bittersweet liquid sooth his throat.
“So I was thinking…” Ananya was interrupted by the ringing of Kabir’s cellphone.
Kabir looked at his phone, and excused himself saying it was an important call. Ananya looked on, mildly disappointed, for these leisurely evening chats with Kabir, were the highlights of her days. But she was too used to having their private time interrupted, usually by Kabir’s phone, to be seriously affected by it.
She placed her empty mug on the counter and headed towards the washroom. As she had expected, the towels weren’t in their place. Ever since they had become a couple, Ananya felt Kabir slowly and gradually beginning to depend on her.
She pulled off her shrug, hung it on the rack and scrubbed her face clean of the make up. She pulled her hair up into a messy bun, and was about to call out for Kabir, when she heard him laughing.
Ananya walked to his room, to find Kabir relaxing on a chaise, chatting away with someone, with a merry smile playing on his lips. “Oh, come on, Malvika! Don’t be a child!” he laughed, “A combination of wine and you is always hard to turn down!”
Kabir looked up to see Ananya at the door. She faked a smile and walked away, avoiding his gaze.
As she began preparing dinner, she heard Kabir close the door of his bedroom. A sense of insecurity filled her. What was so private in their discussion? She tried to repress her thoughts, and chided herself for harbouring irrational fears. But they kept emerging, and she could do nothing about it.
Their relationship wasn’t even six months old and she felt her insecurities filling the void of Kabir’s absence. But she never spoke about them with Kabir, partly because he never gave her a chance and partly because she had learned to don an emotional mask to protect herself from being hurt. In a way that was very uncharacteristic of Miss Ananya Kashyap, she had begun to hide her feelings behind layers of aloofness. Ananya knew it was a poor justification of her actions.
Tucking back a wayward strand of hair, Ananya added a few spices to the potatoes she was cooking. A heavenly aroma emanated from the mixture, soothing her senses.
When she opened them, she was surprised to see Kabir, looking dapper in an informal suit, ready to go out.
“Where..”Ananya started.
“Malvika has invited me to her place for dinner, since we need to discuss a few things.” Kabir replied before she could finish her question, failing to notice her tightened grip on the ladle.
He looked at the stove, and the table for two that Ananya had set out, and cleared his throat. “Woh…” he began to explain.
“It’s fine.” Ananya said and turned away, avoiding his gaze yet again. She knew that her eyes always spoke volumes about her feelings.
“You’re staying over, right?” Kabir asked. Ananya passed a tight lipped smile to him.
“That’s what I had initially thought,” she replied in an icy voice. Kabir was taken aback by the sharpness in her reply. He looked at her carefully, and let out a helpless groan, as he realized how upset she was. He grimaced and pulled her restless hands into his. “Come on, Ananya! Don’t tell me you’re jealous,” he said.
His careless reply stung Ananya. Hurt, she said, “I am not jealous. Now, please move, I don’t want a burnt dinner tonight.”
Kabir closed his eyes in annoyance, as she roughly pulled her hands away from his. “Fine.” he replied.
Ananya emptied the contents of the cooking pan into a bowl, banging the bowl down on the counter. “Go and enjoy your dinner!” she said. Her sarcasm laced words irked Kabir.
“Stop making an issue out of it, Ananya!” Kabir said, irritated but desperately trying to keep his calm. “You are over-reacting. Nothing has happened.”
“If you say so,” Ananya retorted.
Kabir looked at her big, expressive eyes, and sensed that she was hurt. Trying to make it up with her, he stepped forward to hug her, but Ananya turned away. He clenched his fists in anger and banged the door shut.
“Damn!” Ananya cursed under her breath. “I’m acting like a perfect idiot. He’s just going out to dinner! Don’t I trust him?”
She decided to apologize to him immediately for her behaviour. As she opened the door, she found Kabir there, about to ring the bell. Both were surprised to see the other. “I forgot my keys,” he said blankly.
Ananya reached for the keys and pressed them into Kabir’s hand. Kabir tried to withdraw his hand, but Ananya held onto it. Kabir melted slightly at her gesture.
Ananya rest her head on his shoulder, and whispered a sorry. She was relieved to notice his lips curve into a smile. “I am sorry too,” he said, softly, after a momentous silence. She smiled and gently ran her fingers over his chiseled jawline to his neck and glided them over his chest.
As her lusty lips rubbed against his neck, Kabir chuckled and pushed her hair back from her face. He gazed into her glazed eyes, desire pulsating through his body.
He played with her earlobe and whispered “Are you trying to seduce me, Miss Kashyap?” She blushed a violent crimson as he traced her luscious lower lip with his thumb.
Just as he leaned in to steal a kiss, they were interrupted by a call. “I’m on my way.” he walked away, still on the phone, after waving a hurried goodbye to Ananya.
Ananya wore a frown on her face as she saw the retreating figure of Kabir. She could never suspect him of any affair - she knew she could trust him with her life. Yet, the frequent rendezvous he had with Malavika always left her restless. Perhaps it was her expectations which served as a barrier between them , but was it wrong on her part to expect to know more about the man she was in a relationship with?
~*~
It was only at the crack of dawn that Kabir entered the house. Slightly drunk, he was walking straight into his bedroom, but stopped abruptly, when he saw Ananya asleep in a chair, with her head resting on the dining table. Her hair was all dishevelled, and she wore a tired expression on her face. He felt himself filling with guilt. To think Ananya had sat up hungry waiting for him, while he had whiled away his evening in light conversation, good food and drink.
He looked at the innocence on her face, innocence that was now shrouded by worry and insecurity. She was no longer the carefree girl he once knew. And he knew deep inside that he was the cause of this change in her.. Somewhere, something had gone wrong.
He debated whether he should rouse her from her sleep or not, when due to his inebriated state, he shook a little, and his phone dropped from his hand. Ananya sat up with a start. Still groggy, she stared at Kabir for a few seconds. Her gaze automatically shifted to the clock.
“Four eleven?” she asked, with evident disbelief. She cleared her parched throat and looked at Kabir who was looking at her, intently. The couple stared at each other, sensing a certain awkwardness between them.
As she rubbed her eyes and stretched her sore muscles she asked “Why are you so late, Kabir?”
Kabir yawned, “The discussion ran longer than expected.”
“Hmm, but so late?” Ananya frowned. She saw him struggling with his jacket and walked up to him, to help him.
“I can’t believe you are struggling with a jack…” she started, but stopped abruptly, as the slight stench of alcohol reached her nostrils. She kept the jacket aside and brushed her nose near his lips.
“You’re drunk.” Ananya said, rather upset.
“I’m not drunk!” he said, indignantly. “We just had some wine during the discussion.”
Ananya threw her hands above her head, “I seriously don’t know what sort of a discussion requires alcohol, Kabir! And that too with Malvika! I can’t…”
Her sentence was cut short when Kabir grabbed her by her arm and pulled her towards him. Ananya held on to his shoulders, as he was merely a breath away. “Are you suspecting me of infidelity?” he asked sharply.
Ananya pushed out of his iron grip, shook her head, and said, “No, Kabir! I trust you. But I just cannot trust that Malvika! She’s been ogling at you ever since you joined KKN. How can you expect me trust her?”
“I think you should know that I am no child, Ananya,” Kabir growled in rising anger and indignance.
“I never said you are, Kabir. I try to give you as much space as possible, but dinner dates, that too with a woman like that, is taking it a little too far!” she said. Such fights with Kabir always tested her emotional strength to the extreme.
“These are not dates Ananya!” Kabir told while Ananya shook her head .
“Of course, these aren’t dates. Spending an evening with dinner and wine and a temptress is no date indeed.” Tears threatened to pour out of her eyes, but she chose to vent out her frustration in words, instead. “You never tell me what happens at these meetings! I never ask, because I expect you to tell me. Don’t you know you have someone waiting home?” Ananya ranted, unaware of Kabir’s mounting anger.
“I know I am not Shreya nor your wife that I have complete rights over you…” Ananya began. Kabir was flabbergasted on hearing his ex-wife’s name, and checked Ananya immediately.
“Stop it, Ananya! Just because I have given you some freedom, you have started treating me like a toddler! I am a man, for God’s sake, and I know what I’m doing! And I didn’t ask you to stay up for me!” Kabir fiddled with his hair in frustration. “I am not Ronnie to ping you every half an hour and act lovesick all the time, Ananya! Really I am surprised at you! You consider yourself a connoisseur in people and relationships, but have you ever attempted to understand me?” Kabir said, in extreme irritation.
“I haven’t ever asked you to act lovesick, Kabir… and Ronnie never acted like that.” Ananya spoke weakly, her energy draining with time.
“Whatever, Ananya! Your problem is that you see everything from your own perspective and never think you are obliged to an explanation to anyone, but expect clarifications from everyone else! I am still to figure out whether this is your naivette or ego! You never bothered to tell me about your feelings for me. I wouldn’t have known to this day, had Trisha not intervened and told me!” Kabir sighed.
Ananya glanced at him “So was it only because of Trisha that you were convinced I loved you? Don’t forget your terrible attitude towards me at that time! It wasn’t my fault. And do you mean to say that our love is so shallow that without outside intervention we would never have got together?”
Kabir wore a tired expression on his face as he said, “Our love is so deep, Ananya, that it needed outside intervention to get together.”
Ananya was unconvinced. “I know you are a wordsmith, Kabir. But don’t use your skills with words to manipulate your way out of my questions!” she said, sharply.
“Oh, come on, Ananya! You aren’t upset about something as trifling as that!” Kabir said, a little hurt.
Ananya held her head, and sighed, “What is serious for you, Kabir? Have I ever questioned you about your past relationships, or for that matter even about your equation with Malvika? Only because I trust you, with all my soul. But even I need answers sometimes! I need to know the man I love better. How do you think love progresses, Kabir? With intimacy? No, Kabir, a relationship is all about trusting each other and being an open book. Unless I know you, how will we develop as a couple?” Ananya was close to tears again.
Kabir sensed matters heating up and tried to end the fight. “Ananya, we don’t need to have this fight! We don’t need to talk about this,” he said, trying desperately to divert the conversation.
“When will we actually talk, Kabir? Is love everything? Does communication hold no significance in a relationship? Why am I always in the dark about everything? Till when should I keep finding out about you through others? And you know how Papa never told me... ” Ananya gulped as her voice cracked.
“Stop comparing our relationship to others! Ananya, we can never go anywhere in our life with your emotional baggage! You have to be practical!” Kabir gripped her shoulders and tried to yank her into reality.
“Did you just call papa emotional baggage, Kabir? Where is the love with no logic now? And how could you say that when you know what papa…” Ananya choked and resisted his advances to come closer.
“What happened to you being ready to accept me the way I am?” Kabir leaned against the table and closed his eyes. “I always feared this day, Ananya, the day when we realise that our love isn’t enough,” his voice shook, as though he was deeply affected. He looked at Ananya’s insecure form and quivering shoulders, and sighed “I don’t even think the love exists anymore.”
“Kabir!” Ananya gasped, “Don’t question my love for you!” she croaked while Kabir smiled wryly. “This isn’t a joke, Kabir!”
“Exactly! I am not a puppet neither are you. We are both strong-headed individuals with ideas and values of our own. Stop trying to control us.” Kabir spoke
“Am I controlling you, then, Kabir?” Ananya was met by Kabir’s silence as an answer.
“I need space, Ananya.” Kabir whispered and Ananya froze.
Before Kabir could continue further, he found Ananya shoving her things into her handbag. “I’ll ensure you get all the space you need from me!”
“I won’t stop you,” he tried to sound brazen, but hurt echoed through his every syllable. Ananya sensed it, but was too hurt that he did not stop her.
“It all ends here,” her voice rasped and she walked out of his house, without even looking back.
Kabir Sharma had lost the only hope in his life.
And Ananya Kashyap had made the biggest mistake of her life.
~*~
The lens shook as he tried to balance his camcorder. The focus blurred as the man tried to zoom towards his object of desire.
It finally rested on a woman dancing in the rain. A soft sigh of the man was heard as the little nymph swayed her hips sensuously, her arms moving in sync with her flow of dance.
She twirled around and her eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. “Don’t you dare record me!” She shrieked.
The video hobbled as the man ran away “So you do contain the quality of being shy!” “Ow!” The man grimaced.
“No!” The woman lied and raised the camera to her eye level “It’s just that I don’t like interruptions or distractions while I dance. It’s embarrassing!” She flashed her kohl-lined eyes.
The video vibrated as the man in control laughed. “Nautanki khatam? If you’re doing being an actress then can we head home?”
“I want to dance further!” The woman gave a cute pout. A squeal was heard as the man pulled the woman next to him. He flipped the camcorder and focused it on the couple.
“Miss Kashyap…” he whispered. The lady blushed a pretty pink, for now Miss Kashyap had become an endearment for her. “I need to confess that…” She clutched his collar in anticipation. “I really won’t appreciate kissing a woman who would sneeze every half a second.”
“KABIR!” Ananya bellowed and turned away “Arrey Baba! Okay I am sorry! I was just joking!” Kabir laughed and focused on her angry flushed face.
She turned aside and pointed at the rain “No Ananya, no more dancing in the rain.” Kabir warned while suddenly the video lowered and focused on the ground, their shadow being it’s focal point.
The shadows merged together and shallow pants of breath were the only music for a few moments. “Kabir.” Ananya mewed softly.
“Hmm….” “Mujhe to bas nachna hai, aur aap mujhe aaj rok nahi sakte sir.” Ananya mocked on the ‘sir’ and ran away.
“Did you just!” Kabir’s voice spoke. “Haha! Why? What makes you think that only you can joke?” Ananya wiggled her eyebrows and shrieked as Kabir ran after her.
Kabir fingered the worn out rewind button of his camcorder, wishing to relieve one of the best moments of his life. He stared at their image, smiling through the glare of the camcorder.
Why did everything fade away?
Was love truly not enough?
He wanted to stop her but she never asked.
The drastic end of his marriage with Shreya still haunted him, even though several years had passed since that unfortunate night. He didn’t want to fall into anyone’s hands and be controlled.
The woman who was his only thread of sanity had broken off. Kabir sighed and smoothened the fabric over his heart. The pain of separation stung his heart. Only when he held his phone did he realise that he had been shaking continuously.
This moment forced him to reflect on whether it was solely Ananya’s mistake. If so then why was he feeling guilty? Why did he feel a necessity to reassure himself that even this time the separation was due to no fault of this?
He flung his blanket aside, sleep becoming a distant dream. If only someone could prod out the thoughts out of his head.
This time there would be no one to act as his guiding angel. He felt alone, all alone. He knew he needed her. But it was he who let her go, even probably forced her to go. Why couldn’t he ever be open about his life to Ananya? Was he so afraid of losing her? Wasn’t it trust and transparency in a relationship which mattered?
~*~
It had been a week since she their separation. Now the only emotion she knew was numbness.
Ananya ran her finger over the rim of her coffee mug and dwelt upon the happenings that fateful night. There was nothing she could have done other than leave then. And her growing dissatisfaction with the relationship. Shouldn’t she be happier away from it then?
Then why did she feel that every breath she took suffocated her? Why did she feel that only her body walked away from his house? Her heart and soul were elsewhere and she knew it.
With him she felt lonely yet loved, insecure yet protected, vulnerable yet comforted.
Ananya looked at her tear-stained eyes in the mirror and recalled the last time she had found herself in such a deplorable state - it was when she reached the hospital to find Kabir chatting animatedly with Tarini.
The pang of jealousy and pain had shredded the dreams she had woven. Vulnerability had a whole new meaning for her. She did recall the moment their actual relationship had dawned.
Her heart still skipped a beat when she recalled his voice boom through their deserted office. Every barricade which she had built against Kabir had been torn down when she saw the passion in his eyes. The depth of his emotions stole her heart and his words sealed her as his.
That day Ananya had cried again, but cried in sheer happiness and joy.
Ananya hugged her knees tighter and introspected her actions.
It is often said that when man fails to find a path, in spite of his best efforts, the divine intervenes to make amends.
Ananya, distractedly turned her head to the movie her brother was watching. She just heard one line -
He loved me enough, to let me go.
~*~
Ananya found herself groaning in frustration as she rummaged through her voluminous handbag, standing on Kabir’s porch. After a struggle of a few minutes, she finally managed to find the spare keys to his house that she always had with her, turned the key in the lock and walked in.
To her utter disappointment, the house was empty. Anxiety and disappointment riled her as she half screamed “Kabir!”
Her heart soared as she saw the object of her desire just outside the door.
Kabir dropped his phone and stared, surprised and shocked, at Ananya’s exhausted form. He opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t find a word to apologise for his actions.
He realised that the faults he accused Ananya of were mostly his. He was insecure of his space, and hence called her controlling. He couldn’t let go of his past hence blamed her for not moving on.
The truth was that, even he failed to understand how deep their relationship ran…
Ananya read the silent words in his eyes. She was scared, of losing him forever and that’s what made her hold on to it. If only she had stopped trying too hard.
Kabir held the clammy palms of Ananya’s and whispered “Truth be told, I was still haunted by my past, I’ve not been able…”
“Hush…” Ananya wiped the lone tear than ran down his cheek. “I haven’t been strong enough to trust in my…” she paused to correct “Our future.”
As Ananya noted Kabir struggling to make an apology she swore to be damned if she ever gave up on him. “I…” Kabir stopped as he felt her lips pressed against his in a silent apology. Kabir let his phone go unanswered as he wrapped his arms around her and deepened their kiss, sucking, nipping and biting her lips.
“I love you.” Ananya whispered and closed her eyes as he brushed her tears away with his lips .
“I love you too,” came his passionate reply. They smiled as they recalled their confession several months ago.
Ananya gazed at his glistening eyes and gave him the brightest smile she could. Kabir gulped and promised himself to give every bit of himself to the woman who looked at him as if he was the Sun of her universe.
Ananya knew that they weren’t flawless yet their imperfections made them perfect,
It's beautiful..
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